I’m 43 and I might, finally, be growing up. Yup… it’s true.

Allow me to explain…

One of the few things that really gets under my skin – I mean totally steams me – is when I’ve lost something I shouldn’t have lost. Well, no. That’s not quite true. Losing it doesn’t bother me one teensy-weensy bit. It’s the not being able to find it part that, well, doesn’t bring out the best in me.

I don’t know if I can explain it to you properly, but if I’ve put something somewhere and I’ve forgotten where I put it, I get REALLY mad. I’m talking spitting nails, saying really bad words MAD. I know… it’s stupid. It’s absolutely juvenile. But there you have it. I have learned to recognize when I start getting to that point and then I just walk away. There’s absolutely no point to keep looking because the only thing I’m seeing at that point is red – and the blue streak coming out of my mouth. So I walk away, regroup, usually say a little prayer, and give it some time before I try again. (That’s stage 1 of growing up…)

I reached Stage 2 a couple of nights ago.

I needed to charge my Nexus 7 tablet, so I toddled off to the drawer where I keep all my chargers. Huh… not there. OK. Where’d I see it last? Last weekend in the hotel in Toronto. Uh oh. Nope… I’m SURE I packed it before I left the hotel room. Then where is it? Checked my suitcase – all pockets and pouches. Nope. Checked my purse – all pockets and pouches. Nope. Blood pressure hasn’t even budged! Amazing! I checked everywhere again. Still nope. I called the hotel – even though I was sure I hadn’t left it there, I’ve been SURE about things before and, well, it had turned out I was wrong, so I wanted to leave no stone unturned. Not that it mattered – there was nothing in the Lost and Found. Huh.

To make a long story just a little bit longer, I headed back to the drawer where I store my chargers and stuff. It still wasn’t there, but what WAS there was the pouch where I keep my GPS. The light went on! I had stored my tablet charger in with the GPS for the Toronto trip! I remembered putting the pouch in the drawer when I got back, and thinking, “I should take the charger out now so I know where it is.” Then, “Nah…you’ll remember.” Then I laughed, “No you won’t.” But I left it in the pouch anyway. Why? Because apparently sometimes I like to torture myself. 🙂

That’s a one-off, so I wouldn’t say I had reached Stage 2 just based on that. BUT… when I was getting ready for bed, I lost my glasses! I had them on one minute. Then they were off the next and I couldn’t find them. They are super light frames (colour and weight) and I’m pretty blind without them. I’ve played the “feel around” game before – including feeling the top of my head – so I know how this goes. I tiptoed around – in case they’ve fallen on the floor – and even got down on all fours “sweeping” the carpet with my hands. Nothing. I flipped the blankets on the bed – turning them all down, then turning them all up. I shifted all the pillows around. Nothing. Blood pressure still on an even keel. I realize I can’t keep looking like that, so I go get my old glasses and scope things out again. I smoothed out the blankets and there was this persistent bump. You guessed it – my glasses.

So… two lost (misplaced – potaytoe / potahtoe) items in one evening. Not one single, solitary “colourful” word. No soaring blood pressure.

I think that definitely shows I’ve reached stage 2! My mother would be so proud. 😉

About a week or so ago I was talking with a good friend of mine and he told me that he really admires the fact that I’m not afraid to do things by myself. Things like going to dinner alone, or going to a movie alone, or going on road trips and vacations alone. I’ve had other people say that to me before, too.

Every time I hear it, I feel a bit like a cheat. Cuz, well, it was never in my plan (you know that “plan” – the one we all have in our minds as to how our lives are going to turn out?) to do all those things alone. In my plan, there was someone there beside me doing those things with me. I wouldn’t have to be by myself and I wouldn’t have to do all the planning and thinking (and paying!) all by myself.

As tends to happen with most of life’s plans, however, that one fell over a cliff pretty early on, and it did not land safely on a soft, sandy beach to be rescued! So, all those things that I do alone, I only started doing alone because I had to. And that’s why I kind of feel like a “cheat” – that I have been lauded for doing something I did only because I had to do it.

But, that said, I have to say that I have come to enjoy doing those things by myself. Partly there’s a selfish reason. When I go to dinner or a movie alone, there’s no discussion as to what restaurant to go to or which movie to see. And when I do a road trip or other vacation on my own, I get to plan the entire schedule! (I have to admit, though, it sure would be nice sometimes to have someone else do some of the work!)

Even more than that, I have just simply come to really enjoy doing those things on my own. There’s a confidence that I have developed in myself that I would not have developed otherwise. My plan crashing over that cliff has forced me to crash out of the box that I had confined myself, and my life, to. It’s definitely a hindsight thing. It’s really important to make use of that rear-view mirror sometimes!

Speaking of which, I hope when you check your rear-view mirror, you find yourself being grateful for the cliff-crashed plans from your life, and can recognize the wonderful ways they forced you to move outside the box and create a wonderful, new plan!